Things that LittleMan will eat (currently. check back in fifteen minutes for changes).
- plain pasta w/butter and cheese
- goat cheese on crostini crackers (or baguette if he can schmooze me into buying it)–or sometimes spreadable goat cheese right out of the freaking container
- french toast (thank goodness)
- pizza (also thank goodness, though he now has a temporary aversion since pizza was the last thing he ate before his bout with the volcanic, all night stomach virus a few weeks ago—now THAT sucks, the timing of one of the only foods he reliably eats, right before the puking bug)
- waffles with cream cheese and a few token sprinkles on them (his very favorite breakfast as a toddler, recently reintroduced)
- poppy bagels, toasted only very lightly, just warmed up! anything more is BURNT, but only from Dunkin Donuts, not the very decent bagels that come fresh/frozen from the milkman and cost about a third of what the Dunkin ones cost
- occasionally ham (this is great—just plain ham steak w/my homemade honey mustard (that would be honey and mustard) sauce on top
- cheeseburgers (loves the McDonalds, of course, but will also eat the best ones evah —completely plain, I say every time, nothing on it–nothing on it, but the meat and the cheese (because how many times have they gotten it wrong and given him a cheeseburger with the usual condiments, and Oh, the Humanity)
- American cheese sandwiches, on a soft roll (no sliced bread! evah!)
- corn, on or of the cob, in vast quantities
- fries (preferably fast food, but ones made at home are also good—and this is only because he has successfully blocked out the fact that fries are potatoes
Okay, so it doesn’t seem so extreme, seeing it written out like this. I know people whose kids have much shorter lists. But oh, holy crap, it’s going into new and pathological places, this boy’s food pickiness. It’s not even pickiness anymore, because that implies that he is a picky eater. He’s more like a picky NON-eater, and now a picky companion.
Last month, he told me that he couldn’t sit with his friends anymore at lunchtime. I figured that he had gotten into trouble and been separated for a day or something. No—he couldn’t sit with his friends, because a lot of them got school lunch, and it was SO DISGUSTING! that it was upsetting him too much just to look at it! If he looked at it, he COULDN’T EAT his own lunch. I thought he was kidding. But yes, he went by himself to antother table, and was followed by his two close buddies, for company.
LittleMan has always been a picky eater, with strong dislikes for entire categories of food, like Anything That Is Eaten With a Spoon (except ice cream, duh), Anything With a Weird Texture and Any Foods Touching Each Other. This began when he was in infant, just starting solid foods—he wanted no part of baby food or anything Smooth. THAT learning curve was a lot of fun for me.
And it has just gotten worse from there. Over time, he has eliminated and eliminated foods from his Will Eat list (I’ve asked to see this list many times, to no avail) but he has never added foods. While there are some general rules of thumb, like the Smooth Foods, there’s a lot of inconsistency—like the goat cheese and the calamari (both of which he loves), fer pete’s sake. The Mr. thinks this is amusing as hell, and most definitely karma biting me in the ass, for he has heard the tales of my own food childhood from my Nana.
The latest? He got into the car after school the other day and was starving. Starving, he said, begging me to Stop and Get Him Something (a conversation about what starving really is and is not, followed, and no, we did not Stop and Get Him Something). Why are you so hungry? I asked. Did you eat your lunch, LittleMan?
NO, I couldn’t. I have to go and eat all by myself, with just D. Because all of the other guys sit there and eat PEANUT BUTTER, like PIGS! and if I smell the peanut butter, everything I eat tastes like peanut butter for like THIRTY FIVE MINUTES, and then lunch is over and I never get to eat! I CAN’T TAKE IT, I’M STARVING!
Oh. Well then.